Category: Joke Board
9 Things I Hate About Everyone
1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time....
I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?
2. People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room
for the T.V. remote because they refuse to walk to the T.V. and change the
channel manually.
3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too".
Damn right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?
4. When people say "it's always the last place you look".
Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it?
Do people do this?
Who and where are they? Gonna Kick their asses!
5. When people say while watching a film "did you see that?".
No Loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor.
6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?"....
Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?
7. When something is 'new and improved!'.
Which is it?
If it's new, then there has never been anything before it.
If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it,
couldn't be new.
8. When people say "life is short".
What the hell?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!! What can
you do that's longer?
9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?".
If the bus came would I be standing here, dumb ass?
LOL. My sister emailed these to me a few days ago. They're so true.
agreed. lol.
Aren't you a delightful human being
at least that's the craic?
Stevie.
Good one!
Troy
How about adding:
#10: anyone who posts a weird number of responses of anything, like nine reasons. What's wrong with good old patriotic numbers like ten?
Were you too lazy to think of one more thing?
<Just kidding!>
Bob
agreed, bob. lol
I had an instructor when I was learning how to use a computer and every time he mentioned the words "computer" or "type" he always raised his hands at chest-level and "air-typed" with his fingers. Man, I hated him for that! He'd ask me when I walk in the room, "so are you ready to do some typing on the computer today?" while moving his stupid fingers in front of me. I just wanted to take his ten fingers and crush them all with a hammer. Damn bastard! I can still picture him standing there with a stupid smile typing with his fingers on an imaginary key-board. Yes, I hated him. I need to use the bathroom now.
Bob, did I say I've missed seeing you on here? I lied.
People pointing to their wrists while enquiring after the time are simply reidderating a verble concept with a gesture so that the other person can clearly get their meaning, even if they are in a loud crowded room, or in order to visually katch the person's attention as they are passing by, while issuing the question, so they will be aware, instantly that all you require is the time, not a long set of dirrections, a long conversation or money, and thus will stop, to give you the time of day, as it were. In the long run it is better to go and get the remote, because then you will have it for future use, not to mention that there are many many commands and options that one can not accomplish with out their television remote control. The whole thing about not being able to have one's cake and eat it too is an expression derived from, I believe, French history and or literature and is somewhat cultural and sophisticated, and it doesn't bother me, however the ironic comment about something always being in the last place you look can get on my nervs. The first time uttered it's clever, but from then on I'm good for a couple of years before I feel the need to be reminded of it's irony. "New and improved," now there's an example of marketing and or doublespeak. Oy, and the "Did you see that?" comment, yeah, that's one I could most certainly do with out. Life is short, relatively speaking, and I think it's a good principle to live by, always remembering that the time we spend each on this earth is truly trifling and minimal. Although, life is fleeting and efemeral more accurately expresses my feelings on that score. I suppose it would depend on the wording. I often arrive at a bus stop and enquire whether such and such bus has come and gone, because quite often there are people there waiting for bus A, and you are asking after bus B, which might have passed these people by as they were waiting at the stop for a different bus line. However, yes, anyone who simply asks whether "the" bus has come is a little moronic. Ah yes, an annoying habbit which I have been known to fall prey to my self on occation, the good old, "Can I ask you a question?" It has it's place in our vernacular as a key phrase which denotes a question pertaining to sensative, personal, taboo or difficult subject matter. May I add a tenth thing to the list? Ah, I love retorical questions, so I will just go on ahead and add a tenth item to the list: People who recieve an interesting, thought prevoking or amusing email then forward it to me with out bothering to first remove the huge list of links of forwarded parties' email addresses that always bog down an email that has passed through hundreds upon hundreds of in-boxes. Seeing something on a board is far preferable to having five different people email it to me, all of which leave a huge list of email addresses at the beginning of the body of the message, so, thanks. My two scents thus deposited I depart.
lol
8. When people say "life is short".
What the hell?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!! What can
you do that's longer?
Um, decompose?
<lol> Passionate&NaturalArtist. Excellent.
Mysticrane you have a point there, though it seems to be coming apart at the seams.
Raskolnikov, I only have one question: did that professor eat animal crackers?
Becky, dear Becky, you know you missed me. Though your mouth says "no no no" your eyes say "how come I don't work?"
Bob
Bob
lol
lol, made me smile
Good one! Reminds me of a very old song called Foollish Questions. Each verse takes a subject and asks a really dumb question. For example, I think one of the verses talks about someone who has his face full of shaving cream. Someone asks "You gonna shave?" I think the response is something like "No. Just wanted to see how I looked with this stuff on." Or something like that.
Lou
Yes, Bob, you know he did just like everybody else. But I told him all about the wars, the competition between the cookie companies, and about the pagan goons who watch animal planet. I hope he listened to me when I told him not to eat them anymore. Did you listen? I sure hope so. Take care.